Some Words, Mostly About Love

The following is a lovely Valentine’s Day-themed guest post by my friend Sophia Johnson, which I thank her so much for allowing me to share here!   Sophia has a natural knack for meeting people at their level, being friendly and full of life.  Hopefully her vibrant, fun-loving character comes through in her writing.  In the following, she discusses becoming the woman you would want your Mr. Right to marry, that marriage isn’t everything and singlehood is something, and the benefit of walking alongside someone else through life’s journey.  I hope you enjoy reading and have a wonderful holiday full of God’s love with Jesus Christ as your Valentine.

Some words, mostly about love – by guest post writer Sophia Johnson

Ladies. And gentlemen, too, depending on who you ask. In all our conversations about what we’re “looking for in a guy,” do we ever really think about what we bring of ourselves–what kind of person we want that guy to be looking for? It’s great that you know what you want in “The One”, even if you really don’t (and trust me–you don’t). But who do you want to be? It’s kind of lopsided to have high standards (and you should have high standards) without wanting to give something back. Maybe you deserve an amazing guy. But he also deserves an amazing girl. He’s not just lying dormant in his perfection, waiting to be united with any girl who wants to be kissed in the rain.

And besides, veering off topic, there’s more to life than just looking for someone to be in a relationship with. Not only are there plenty of fish in the sea… there’s a whole ocean, a world beneath the surface that can be equally enjoyable and fulfilling without one particular fish. And who knows, you may never dare to go deeper if you’re fixating on something (or someone) near the surface. But that changes from person to person. The point is that a relationship isn’t the resolution of your life’s purpose–but it can add value to it. Married people know better than anyone that getting married will not solve your problems, and it isn’t the end of your story. “Happily ever after” is misleading, because it causes us to assume that the story ends there. But I think it’s better, not easier, to share life with someone else. You carry each other’s baggage.

I think the most important truth is to never let an opportunity pass–that is, an opportunity to be the person you wish you could eventually become. God (yup) had a design for you from the start, not just for you to be who you are, but for you to grow and keep growing to become something uncommon. A professor of mine once said that, “to not become that person would be an abortion of the worst kind.” And the thing is this: God created you to be exceptional, in whatever way you are equipped. Maybe that sounds like a lot of work, which it is. You have to give of yourself daily, possibly more than you think you can. But it’s like exercising in that it becomes easier the more you do it, and you discover that there was more in you than could originally be tapped. Nothing worth having ever came easily, or without the cost of time or self-sacrifice.

But let’s say your potential includes being in one of those committed, long-term relationships vaguely in the genre of marriage*.  Fair enough. Lots of people do that.  (*to clarify, she is being slightly facetious here)

Let’s also say that you’re me.

You would want… nevermind, I’m dropping the second-person. I’m talking about me. This idea doesn’t look the same for everyone, so don’t use this as your checklist. I don’t have your answer. But this is the kind of person I want my man to deserve.

I want to be the kind of girl who never makes a guy feel worthless. I want to be tender and honest and strong. I want to be able to make him laugh. I want to be an inspiration and a friend–not someone he needs, but someone he trusts. Someone he can relate to and be challenged by. I want to be joyful and have faith like a child’s. I want to be his equal, so we bounce off each other and know how to correct each other when we’re out of line. I want to understand him, but even if I don’t always get it, I want to be supportive. I want to be independent, but willing to be vulnerable. I never want to be suspicious or cynical. I want to be admirable and adorable and funny. I want to be the World’s Coolest Girlfriend, then the World’s Coolest Fiancee, then the Universe’s Coolest Wife. I want to keep the perspective that love is sacred, but not always serious.

No one can be perfect. It’s kind of an abstract goal towards which we’re all working. But I prefer to think that people can be perfect for one another–it just doesn’t happen automatically. And it especially doesn’t happen just because you get together. You’re still two people who are still growing.

But by all means, if you’re willing to try… grow together.

Happy Valentine’s Day. =)

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